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One Side: Beth

Sometimes I'm recorded while having a meal. It's jarring to spot myself on her social media – it feels like a jumpscare.

My best friend of a decade, Marielle, calls herself the “creativity monarch”. It’s fun for a short while, but it weighs on our friendship.

She is an extrovert, she feels the need to record everything all the time. During meals out, she says, “The camera eats first,” and takes photos with the flash on, which induces embarrassment. I don’t like it when other people see her performing for the camera – I experience vicarious awkwardness. Another annoyance is because meals lose their warmth.

She isn’t exactly an influencer yet, but Marielle is aspiring to become one. She makes video blogs about city life, her daily routine, and her work as a stylist. Her content is good, credit where it's due, but I prefer not to be dragged into it. Sometimes I'm captured while dining, or just accompanying her. I’ll see myself on her Instagram afterwards, and it pops up like a jumpscare: I’ll have bare-faced, making a strange expression or be captured mid-bite. It feels invasive.

She also anticipates that I will to record her at inconvenient times. Sometimes I'm in conversation to another person, or we’ll just be spending time in the street. I feel like our friendship has transformed into me being her unpaid videographer. She has the means to employ someone if she wanted high-quality content. Upon mentioning my unease about the situation, she dismissed it. She’s taken me to several industry functions, which were appreciated, but that doesn't compensate for all the energy I invest assisting her make content.

I appreciate that Marielle has supported me with my design career, but I resist our connection to become just a ledger of exchanges. I don't believe she’s fake or inauthentic, but sometimes I feel that if recording starts, we will begin acting in a way that makes us look good for her vlog.

Her directive is, “OK, look happy!” and film me laughing with another. It’s so silly. It's crucial her to recognize that our decade-long friendship still has boundaries. I enjoy being with her, but I also want to enjoy it without being recorded, altered, or shared for an audience. I am not a prop for her online persona.

The Other Side: The Content Creator's View

I want my friend to see that the creations we make together can get us an opportunity.

I am passionate about shooting content. It's more than a hobby; it's integral to who I am. Producing content and documenting experiences online allows me to show my personality and connect with people in novel forms.

I don’t see myself as a full influencer yet, but it’s smart to generate income from your interests. I admire people on TikTok who execute that aesthetic of casual, DIY film-making.

Content creation is my version of engaging with life: noticing the nuances, sharing them with an viewership that values the art behind it. It's never my aim to make my friend uneasy. Taking her to industry events was my method of offering access, providing her a chance to witness behind-the-scenes moments that could help her career in design too. That isn't leverage, it’s just being realistic.

I would take her to these events even if she refused to assist me, but I desire her to see the benefits the work we make together can achieve: an opening. I understand not all people likes being filmed, but sometimes spontaneity is what makes material authentic. Being recorded from time to time is part and parcel of being my companion. I'd remove anything she requested, but she has never asked yet.

I don't demand anybody to be my personal filmmaker, but friends help each other in small ways. I thought recording a clip here or there would be enjoyable for her. Innovation flourishes in partnership, and having my friend around makes endeavors lively and pleasurable. I don't compel her to participate in anything, and I would never deliberately embarrass her. But filming together sometimes is part of how I record our shared experiences.

I cherish our friendship deeply and want to avoid making videos to come between us. I’m willing to find middle ground: like requesting permission before recording, and steering clear of shots that might make her uncomfortable.

This isn’t about control, it's regarding sharing my world while still respecting hers. Clearly making content is not a substitute for real connection: it's merely part of how I experience life and I desire her to be included in a way that’s enjoyable for each of us.

The Jury: Public Sentiment

Is it right for her to stop filming herself and Beth when they are out together?

There’s nothing more excruciating than having a companion point a camera at you. I get that it's her job, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my work. Perhaps she can find influencer friends to create content with. Given the uncertain future of AI, personal relationships are the only thing we have – cherish them!
A respondent, 25

If you’re doing something professionally, you can’t ask your friends for assistance repeatedly, even if they have done it before. While she enjoys shooting, that doesn't imply everyone around her is willing material. She must to respect her friend's personal space.
Another reader, 26

She may enjoy making content and displaying her life online, but it’s not for everyone. It’s nice she has helped Beth’s career, but she must to listen to what Beth wants.
Emma, 27

It seems like you value each other, so cling to that and make sure it’s the focus in your relationship. Foster some real experiences, where genuine feelings are stored, not online archives. Even public figures who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more secrecy than it seems.
One opinion, 53

She seems to be not fully engaged nor authentic when they're together – she’s working. Both seem unsure as to where the line is. The solution is not found in trying to change one another, but in each establishing defined boundaries around what feels acceptable to them and determining if there is an mutually agreeable compromise.
Barbara, 71

Now You Be the Judge

In an online poll: is Marielle exploiting their friendship?